Monday, September 7, 2009

Merchandising Update

With the new year approaching Shouting Into A Well takes a look at the latest batch of calendars due to hit the shops soon.

The 365 Sontarans A Year Wall Calandar: A daily calendar featuring 365 individual pictures of a race of clones who all wear the same type of battle armour.
Rating: Monotonous.

Naked Cybermen: Cybus Industries' latest doomed attempt to convince the public to have their brains scooped out of their heads and placed in metal shells. A series of pictures of Cybermen in various states of undress which, according to the press release aims to,” show that under the skin of iron is a warm beating human heart.” This is only too clearly demonstrated in the picture for October which looks like a scene from Hellraiser.
Rating: Unbelievably disgusting.

The Official Vashta Nerada Calendar: Initially disappointing effort from the microscopic creatures who live in shadows, it appears to be nothing but twelve blank, black pages. However the Vashta Nerada assure Shouting Into A Well that each calendar is impregnated with billions of eggs guaranteed to hatch, swarm and devour purchasers when night falls.
Rating: To die for!

Waterskiing Werewolves: An unusual charity calendar produced by the Brethren of St Catherine's Glen Monastery. Impressive photography raising money for a worthy cause, a pound from each calendar sold goes towards infecting Prince Charles with Lycanthropy, makes this an excellent buy.
Rating: lupus magnus est, lupus fortis est, lupus deus est.

Just Daleks In Hats: Like the title says, twelve A4 sized pictures of Daleks going about their daily business enslaving other races, making Pig Slaves, and plotting the total destruction of all matter in the universe while wearing a selection of hats. Interestingly enough one of the Daleks in the photo for July, (Daleks in berets destroy the Eiffel Tower, caption:”ooh la-la!”) is also wearing a cravat.
Rating: Stylish.