Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Mary Whitehouse Experience*

Hello. I am the ghost of Mary Whitehouse. Wooooooooooo! When I'm not solving crimes with my detective partner I still monitor programmes which I found unsuitable during my time on Earth. I've made a list of the most inappropriate new Doctor Who stories and passed them on to Shouting Into A Well with the help of my friend Mrs Stokes.

Bad Wolf: This story glamorises Big Brother, a most unsuitable programme for children. This story also features gratuitous nudity when Captain Jack takes off all his clothes. You can see everything; bits, fairly naughty bits, and naughty bits. The only things you can't see are the extremely naughty bits. I must admit that, this shocking lapse of decency aside, I do like the Captain Jack character. Such a cheeky smile. One of these days that John Barrowman is going to make a lovely husband for some lucky lady.Tooth And Claw: This story pokes fun at the royal family in a most disrespectful way. It's not fair. They can't answer back you know.

Doomsday: Rose's mother is with child, by her father. I expect you're thinking," what's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong, they're not married! They are from different universes. Rose's Dad was married to Rose's Mum in one universe and Rose's Mum was married to Rose's Dad in another. It's nothing but the adulation of adultery and with the alternate version of the partner they were already married to but now aren't because they were married to the other one from their other universe.
No, I'm getting mixed up. it can't be adultery because each of their partners was dead before they met the other one of the person they had already married in the other universe. I'm pretty sure there's something immoral going on though.
The Cybermen are all nude as well!

OoooeeeeeOOOeeeeOOOOOOeeeeeeeoooo a death shall come upon this house! Oh dearie me. Sorry about that I think Mrs Stokes is picking another message. She says it's not her fault, apparently she is getting interference from another spirit level but I think a bad workman always blames his tools.

Gridlock: There's a lovely hymn in this story but the whole thing is quite unsuitable. A lady has maritial relations with a cat and then gives birth to kittens. Oh dear. I think I need a sit down and a cup of ghost tea. Disgraceful.

Voyage Of The D*mned: Apart from the fact that that the title has a swear word in it, and on Chistmas Day too, the shame, this story could make children afraid of going on boats.

Partners In Crime: The Adipose look very sweet but they are born out of both ladies and men. If children start thinking men can have babies who knows what could happen Not only that but even when the babies come from ladies they don't just come out of their tummies but anywhere on the ladies body. What are children meant to make of that?

The Unicorn And The Wasp: It's Gridlock all over again but this time with a bee!

The Doctor's Daughter: The Hath have lascivious eyes.

*This headline is reused from Doctor Who Magazine issue 327 (05/03/2003) in accordance with EU sustainability legislation (Directive 2002/96/EC) requiring a target of at least 30% joke recycling by 2010.
Shouting into a Well is committed to protecting your future by recycling other people's puns and is proud to guarantee that no less than five percent of all letters used in this blog come from sustainable sources.