Saturday, January 1, 2011

Peoples of the Universe, please attend carefully

An importation message from Sham Mountebank, big-hearted publisher of Shouting Into A Well.

Since Shouting Into A Well stopped updating in September 2010 several people have starved to death in front of their computer while waiting for this blog to update. This situation cannot be allowed to persist. Media photos of emaciated corpses sitting in front of monitors displaying this blog makes for very bad publicity for Shouting Into A Well and its associated banks.

Towards the end of September 2010 it became apparent that the material my employees were passing to me by for approval no longer matched the standards I required. Said material being either jaded, listless, predictable, nonsensical or too long(respectively a Heat magazine parody; a spoof Dilbert strip titled The Adventures of Dalekbert; fake TV programmes; a picture of Davros wearing a t-shirt labelled 'Team Evil' for no reason anyone could explain; and a five hundred panel depiction of the making of an episode of Doctor Who using scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry). As a result I determined to put Shouting Into A Well onto hiatus.

Do not despair. Shouting Into A Well will continue to be updated but on a much less regular basis. I, Sham Mountebank your big-hearted publisher of Shouting Into A Well, has decreed this.

I have also decided to accept submissions of material from readers should any be forthcoming.

As I have wrote, so mote it be!

EXCLUSIVE! TEN REASONS WHY SHOUTING INTO A WELL HAS GONE INTO HIATUS

1. JADED
Heat Magazine Parody.


2. LISTLESS!
The Adventures Of Dalekbert.


3. PREDICTABLE!
Fake TV Programmes.

The New Season On BBC1.

DRAGONS DEN: Budding evil genius get the chance to pitch their plans to four of the universe's most sinister brains, Davros, Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen, Morbius and Sutekh The Destroyer. Whose plan will gain the favour of the fearsome four? The Dominators want investment to expand their army of Quarks; Professor Zaroff, plans to destroy the Earth by raising Atlantis and also turn sailors into Fish People; Professor Lasky seeks investment to make mobile, talking, killer plants for some reason; and a coalition of monsters want to trap the Doctor inside an indestructible box which cannot be opened.

SPOOKS: Gaseous wraiths the Gelth continue their quest through time to find new bodies. This series the Spooks team try grave robbing in the French Revolution, the Sheridan-Custer Indian Campaign of 1867-69, the Roman invasion of Britain, and the notorious opening day of the 1972 Harrod's Sale.

LIFE ON JUDOON: When a Judoon Commander is hit by a hovercar he wakes to find himself not in the future he knows but 33 years before the future. How will he cope in a world slightly less futuristic than the one he knows? As the opening narration says,” No! Kro! Blo! Ko! Sho! Wo Flo Ho! Ro Go! Co Vo Blo So! Kro! Blo! Flo Ho! Ro Go! Co Vo! Ko!”

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK: Captain Jack Harkness hosts the quiz where all the questions are set on his favourite topic; himself.

CASH IN THE ATTIC: John Lumic hosts the show where couples go into their attic and look for valuables to sell for profit at auction; what they don't know is that a Cyberman conversion squad got into the attic first.

ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY: Survivors from CASH IN THE ATTIC attempt to flee the Cybus Industries mop-up squad.

SURPRISE SURPRISE: With John Lumic.

4. NONSENSICAL!
Davros Wearing A 'Team Evil' T-shirt For No Reason


5. TOO LONG!
Pictures From A Five Hundred Panel Depiction Of The Making Of An Episode Of Doctor Who Using Scenes From The Bayeux Tapestry.



6. LISTS OF TEN THINGS ONLY HAVING FIVE ENTRIES
Or Six If You Count This One.