Monday, March 9, 2009

How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?*

Inside Horus' Pyramid of Mars. An exclusive map of the tomb of traps and terrors.

1: Entrance to Pyramid of Mars
2: Concealed door
3: Relay switch concealing power conductor (electrification)
4: Relay switch concealing squirt fountain (embarrassing soaking)
5: Relay switch concealing power conductor (electrification amplified by soaking in previous chamber)
6: Puzzle designed to make explorers look good in front of their assistants by pretending to do complicated mathematics (actually Spot the Difference puzzle)
7: The Twin Guardians of Horus (one programmed to deceive, the other programmed to speak truly)
8: The Triple Guardians of Horus (Wilson, Kepple and Betty)
9: Riddle of the Sphinx
10: Riddle of the Sands (running time 102 min)
11: Farmer attempting to get chicken, fox and grain across river
12: Tomb of Horus' Mummy
13: Tomb of Horus' Aunt
14: Tomb of Horus' Second Cousin once removed
15: Chamber of Despair (at terrible old Egyptian Jokes)
16: Chamber of Endurance (2 miles of narrow, twisting passages, lined with obsidian blades and 'My Heart Will Go On' playing on a permanent loop).
17: Chamber of Secrets
18: Prisoner of Azkaban
19: Chamber of Sadism (dead end, necessitating lengthy trek back through Chamber of Endurance)
20: Sign saying 'Eye of Horus this way'.
21: One way door
22: Room containing giant 'Sucker!' sign
23: Secret passage leading to...
24: Eye of Horus
25: Cheap, money saving corridor
26: Starbucks
27: Quick, entrance to Eye of Horus