Monday, May 18, 2009

The Hidden Dangers of Hyperinflation

Editorial comment. A disturbing trend in monster sizes is becoming apparent; hyperinflation.

In 1973 for a monster to be classified as "giant" it only needed to be larger than its real life equivalent. This giant maggot, left, is barely a foot high.

By 1975 in order for this robot, pictured centre, to be a giant it had to be over seven feet tall. An increase in real terms of 600% in 18 months

When The Next Doctor was broadcast in December 2008 hyperinflation had affected the size of monsters to such a degree that the Cyberking, right, was well over 800 feet tall; an increase of at least 79900%.

To put that in giant maggot terms, this means for The Green Death to have the same impact in 2009 as it did in 1973 the Doctor would have to fight a maggot 15 miles tall and 45 miles long! Is that something you want to see while trying to eat your tea? Frankly I think it would be disgusting.

Doctor Who needs sensible restraint in the height of its monsters. At this rate, by the start of the 2010 series, the Doctor will be fighting monsters the size of the Earth's moon. The Adipose were a step in the right direction, instead of being tall they were very short but there were lots of them.

It's time for the makers of Doctor Who to say no to this trend for ever larger and larger monsters. We need an upper limit. Instead of fighting beings of incomprehensible size, they should say "this tall, and no more". Perhaps the Doctor could fight several toads the size of the Eiffel Tower, or a giant kitten, but this monster madness must end now. Or by 2012 the Doctor will be nothing but a tiny dot buzzing around some mad creature (perhaps a fire breathing lamb/snail hybrid) the size of Jupiter.

And that can only be bad for Britain, bad for the BBC and bad for Doctor Who!