Wednesday, June 23, 2010

General Sontar: He Speaks Sontar Listens

Are YOU Thinking What He's Thinking?*
*If you are not thinking what General Sontar is thinking then please report to Vat 69 for Genetic Reprocessing. Independent thought threatens the Sontaran race.

Typical! The Pandorica is barely closed and here comes the namby-pamby liberal non-Sontaran elite crawling out of the woodwork; again! “It’s cruel to imprison The Doctor in a box forever,” they moan. “There should have been another way,” they simper. Remind me, what was at stake here again? Oh yes, that’s right. Everything! Well, I don’t know about you but I happen to like living in the universe!

Why should we feel sorry for the Doctor? What sort of holiday camp prison are do-gooders expecting for someone who was going to blow up all of space? Do you care if there is no television, toilet or hypernet access? I don't. The Pandorica has air. It has something to sit on. Frankly I think we’ve been more than generous.

Four times! That's how often the Doctor has interfered in legitimate Sontaran actions across the galaxy. Four! And yet we're the ones being unreasonable. You couldn't make it up. "Don't forget the Doctor has also killed Rutans," the Politically Correct Czars demand I add in the name of balance. Killed Rutans? He blew up one spaceship! One, compared to the four times he has taken action against our bold boys defending legitimate Sontaran interests across the Galaxy. From where I'm standing that makes him a Rutan Lover! And that means I don’t love him at all!

So I say three cheers to the coalition that put this intergalactic menace where he deserves to be; in a box, forever. Three cheers for our brave Sontaran troops who will soon be attacking our so-called coalition allies while their guard is down. Three cheers for those keen sighted enough to see that nothing is more important than the future existence of everything we know, love, and deserve to conquer for the greater glory of the Sontaran race.

Funny, I thought I heard a noise outsi

Read General Sontar every week in The Sontaran Standard; although possibly not next week.