Monday, February 16, 2009

Great Moments in Merchandising

First up an old classic, the Doctor Who Easter egg which, with a little adaptation, could probably still be used should Peter Davison decide to advertise Viagra.
Thanks to for the Suchard Easter Egg picture

Secondly, the cover for The Macra Terror audio CD on which some airbrushed crazed artist has drawn fangs and given the cover star a shave to remove all that unsightly facial hair.

A Macra, yesterday.

Now with fangs! Extra frightening!

Sadly none of the other audio CD covers have been artistically enhanced to such a degree but take a close look at the cover for The Invasion which appears to feature a tidal wave of fire hidden under the Doctor Who logo.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Parlons Français!

Bonjour! Or if you are an Elf "creoso!" Each year many inhabitants of Middle-earth are reluctant to visit France because of their unfamiliarity with the language. Well this handy guide is designed to get conversing with confidence. Let us begin lesson one. Leçon une.

" Je m'appelle Sauron. J'habite au Mordor"
" I am called Sauron. I live in Mordor."

" Je m'appelle Elrond. J'ai plus de trois mille ans."
" I am called Elrond. I am over three thousand years old."

" Écoutez! Boromir souffle la corne de Gondor"
" Listen! Boromir is blowing the horn of Gondor.

" Ne donnez pas la boucle à Frodo. Donnez-le moi.
" Do not give the ring to Frodo. Give it to me!"

" Regardez les Elfes. Les Elfes sont gentils."
" Look at the Elves. The Elves are nice."

" Regardez les Orques. Les Orques ne sont pas gentil."
" Look at the Orcs. The Orcs are not nice."

" Je m'appelle Aragorn. C'est l'epée qui etait cassé. Je l'ai réparée."
" I am called Aragorn. This is the sword that was broken. I have fixed it."

If you have found this guide useful then why not recommend it to your friends. They may also like to try; 501 Spanish Verbs (Hobbit pocket-sized edition); Holiday Greek for Ents; and Italian The Great Worm Way.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Tragical Misery Tour


Tear-Speckled Press is proud to announce the latest in its bestselling series of Tragic True Life Stories; Tin Man: How Can You Love If You Don't Have A Heart? by Francis Wilson.
When Bill had his brain scooped out and placed in a metal exoskeleton he thought his life had hit rock bottom; no love, no freedom, no hope and no emotions. Then a Doctor claims to want to help but does he?
Is he secretly plotting with his friends to make Bill's head explode?
Harrowing and inspirational, Tin Man: How Can You Love If You Don't Have A Heart? by Francis Wilson describes one man's struggle against a world which scooped his brain out of his body and then tried to leave him on the scrapheap.


If you'd lost it all how could you begin again? Bill Giles' acclaimed biography of Professor Zaroff tells the story of a man who lost his chance at life and then found it again under the sea.
Zaroff tells of one man's struggle against a world that never understood him. His loves; his hopes; his dream of raising Atlantis from the seafloor; and his other dream of turning shipwrecked mariners into Atlantean Fish People by fitting them with plastic gills and then forcing them to harvest food from the ocean; and his other dream of destroying the world. Moving and tragic, Zaroff by Bill Giles shows us the man the world never saw.

Awakened after a sleep of millions of years No Way Back by Bernard Davey tells of the struggle of the Silurians a brave race of refugees in a world that they can no longer call their own. Their one desire is a world fit for their children. Their one hope a lab-bred killer plague. Or, failing that, a machine to destroy the Van Allen radiation belt.
Tragic and >>SUB PLEASE INSERT SYNONYM<< No Way Back by Bernard Davey is a fitting tribute to a race that time truly forgot.