Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Three Days And Counting...

It's time to get ready for series 1/5/A/31 (delete where applicable) of Doctor Who with Shouting Into A Well's exclusive Spoilerocious Guide.

The Eleventh Hour: The first episode. We're bound to see Matt Smith in this one and Karen Gillan as well, playing her character Amy Pond. Presumably this will be the episode where we see her wearing the fake Police uniform that was in all those internet photos a while back. Isn't there going to be a new TARDIS set? Shouting Into A Well has no information about that.

Episode Two: This one is called The Enemy Below or The Evil Underneath; something like that anyway. Before Shouting Into A Well stopped visiting other Doctor Who sites for fear of getting too much information about the new series we caught a glimpse of a picture of that weird grumpy looking bloke with the red eyes from the promotional picture; the one wearing the black top and what is possibly an Eton Collar (this could be significant). Anyway, that picture might have been next to an article about this story, so he's probably in it, or maybe not. The browser window got closed pretty damn quickly. Grumpy Man's head spins round in the trailer so look out for the moment when that happens.

Episode Three: Don't know.

Episode Four: Ditto.

Episode Five: Crumbs this is tricky.

Episode Six: There are a couple of shots in the trailer of strange green lizard-like creatures which have prompted much speculation about the return of the Draconians or Silurians. In actual fact episode seven sees the return of Zil a character from the 1979 Blake's 7 episode Trial, leading to the long awaited Doctor Who/Blake's 7 crossover.

Episode Seven:Note; next year don't try a spoiler guide without doing more than watching a couple of trailers.

Episodes Eight to Thirteen:?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Backlash Begins!

Doctor Who fans are revolting. At Matt Smith that is!

The reviews of Matt Smith's first Doctor Who episode are in and they are all completely negative! Amazingly a simple Google web search for the keywords Matt Smith Eleventh Hour review -unbelievably -good -positive -brilliant -fantastic -highest -quality -amazing -superb -glorious -liked reveals no praise at all.

In fact as the screen-grab below shows, this search returned no results of any kind suggesting that the new series, which is due to start on 3rd April, could be a ratings disaster with publicity being poor to non-existent.

And, in an astonishing turn of events at the press launch for the series, new producer Steven Moffat himself blasted the performance of the two main characters saying,” I was such a huge fan of Doctor Who. I... want to know why... Matt Smith... doesn't come I originally wrote the part. I think it is centrally vital for Doctor Who that … our two main characters... go.”

It is with regret that Shouting Into A Well covers this story. This blog does not wish to become a centre for fan protests about the shocking decline in quality of the new series, a first point of call for any fan who feels Doctor Who is heading in the wrong direction, but if this is a mantle which must be worn then it is one which is reluctantly accepted. Along with the inevitable publicity, cash , success, interviews, cash, television appearances, and cash which will doubtless follow. It will be long, hard, thankless, profitable, work and every mouthful of Groucho Club Champagne that washes down a handful of complimentary cashew nuts will taste like bitter ashes.

This is not a cynical attempt to drum up web hits by generating needless controversy before a single episode has even been shown. It is also not sour grapes at not being invited to the press launch; Shouting Into A Well had plans that night, anyway. This is about the future of Doctor Who!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

From The Archive

Jennings And The Spacemen by Anthony Buckeridge.

' Don't be such an ozard specimen Darbi,' scoffed Jennings,' even first-form ticks like Blotwell don't think scarecrows are magic and stroll round at night.'

It is November but for Jennings, and his good friend Darbyshire, the excitement of Fireworks night is as nothing compared to the odd turn events have taken at Linbury Court School. New history master Mr. Smith has lost his watch, Atkinson is acting very strangely indeed, and now Darbyshire is convinced that the local farmer's scarecrows are walking around by themselves.

What is causing the mysterious green lights in the night? Can a space-ship really have landed on the cricket square? Is Mr. Wilkins right to put it down to the boys' over-active imaginations? Or is this shaping up to be the strangest term yet?

You Are Doctor Who!: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story
Week By Week This Series Builds Into A Complete Adventure In Which You Play The First Doctor
Part: 672

672 Stepping from the TARDIS you look around uncertainly. The air is thin here and this makes breathing difficult. Strange moons hang in the sky over a barren, rocky landscape. Ian Chesterton follows you out and looks around.

If you want to call Chesterton 'Chatterton' then go to 430
If you want to call Chesterton 'Chessington' then go to 234
If you want to bound away into the distance while giggling like a loon then go to 782

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Yes, It's Election Mania!

With the 2010 election approaching, Shouting Into A Well takes a look at the posters the parties are hoping will encourage you to give them your vote.

First up are the Cybermen and, unusually for an emotionless robot-race, they are running a newspaper campaign that plays on the fear the electorate has for the opposition leader.

The Daleks on the other hand are playing the ball, and not the man, and going with a poster which attacks one of the Cybermen's central policies (click for bigger image)

The smaller parties are also making a big push with this simple, but direct, plea to the voters from the Ice Warriors.

And finally, this message from a first-time candidate.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Those BBC Cuts In Full

Ten ways the proposed BBC budget cuts will affect Doctor Who.

1. The TARDIS will travel in Time or Space but not both simultaneously.
2. Horde of Travesties to be renamed Quite Large Group Of Travesties.
3. Directors will be instructed to use more close-up camera angles reducing the amount of widescreen needed; this will also reduce the amount of scenery required.
4. Infinite size of Doctor Who universe to be cut by 20%
5. TARDIS to no longer be powered by expensive Artron Energy. Cheaper renewable resources such as solar power or wind energy to be used instead.
6. In future episodes giant monsters, such as the Cyberking, mutated Professor Lazarus, etc, will only be seen in the distance making them appear smaller.
7. Episodes will be made scarier, this will encourage the audience to shut their eyes more often and reduce the amount of special effects needed.
8. There will be one clip show each series. For example the Doctor and Amy might get stuck in a lift and spend the time remembering events from previous episodes to pass the time. However, to save money on repeat fees the clips will not be shown. Instead the characters will just talk about what happened.
9. Lists of Ten... things on Doctor Who blogs to be cut by 10% with immediate effect.