Monday, April 27, 2009

The Waters of Mars: We ask the BIG questions that matter!

“Water always wins,” says the Doctor in the trailer for The Waters of Mars, but is he right? Does water always win? We put his claim to the ultimate test.

An exclusive Shouting Into A Well Investigation

The End of the World
Battle: the Earth’s oceans vs a red hot exploding sun.
Result: As the sun expands the Earth is destroyed, there are no signs of any water in the rubble. It was the sun wot won it.
Verdict: a disappointing early defeat for water.

New Earth
Battle: water vs all New Earth’s worst diseases.
Result: using the water in the disinfectant shower the Doctor cures all New Earth’s worst diseases.
Verdict: water wins (with some help from future outer-space medicine).

The Runaway Bride
Battle: the river Thames vs the Empress of Racnoss.
Result: having unwisely built her base under the river, the Empress of Racnoss is destroyed and all her children are drowned.
Verdict: water victorious.

Smith and Jones
Battle: rain vs the Royal Hope hospital.
Result: the Judoon lift the hospital all the way to the Moon with the power of their H2O Scoop.
Verdict: water wins again, taking the Royal Hope hospital to the Moon and back again.

The Shakepeare Code
Battle: water vs the Master of the Revels.
Result: the Carrionites know the best way to deal with anyone who meddles in their plans; drown them with magic.
Verdict: the Doctor may claim that the Master of the Revels died of an imbalance of the humours but we all know it was really another victory for the unstoppable force of water.

The Fires of Pompeii
Battle: water vs the Pyroviles.
Result: nothing can stop the firey Pyroviles, nothing except…. Water!
Verdict: water comes out on top in the ancient alchemical struggle of one element against another.

Planet of the Ood
Battle: on the ice planet Ood-Sphere water seems disinclined to take part in the struggle for freedom between the Ood and the evil slave drivers of the Ood Corporation.
Verdict: some people probably froze to death though
Result: water wins by default.

The Doctor’s Daughter
Battle: a swamp vs a Hath.
Result: when the fish-like Hath falls into a swamp even it is unable to resist the awesome power of water; it drowns; gills are over-rated.
Result: water beats fish aliens.

The Unicorn and the Wasp
Battle: a lake vs the Vespiform.
Result: Vespiform drowns
Verdict: water rules.

Turn Left
Battle: the river Thames vs the Doctor and the Empress of Racknoss (and all her children).
Result: just this once everybody dies!
Verdict:water wins again.

Planet of the Dead
Battle: water vs a swarm of metallic stingray aliens.
Result: San Helios had a thriving ecosystem before metallic alien stingrays turned everything into sand; even the water.
Verdict: the last battle and water loses. How will this affect the final score?

Final score
With 9 out of 11 victories we can see that the success rate of water is an awkward 81.81818%. We have proved the Doctor is wrong to claim that water always wins but it is clear that in the eternal battle between water and things drowning in it, or sometimes being cooled or lifted into space, it’s best to bet on H2O

Will water triumph in The Waters of Mars or can the Doctor pull an unexpected last minute victory out of his hat? We’ll just have to wait and see.

Number crunching
Most watery series: with 8 out of the 11 stories listed here, it’s series 4.
Most common water victory: drowning with 5/11 wins.
Most water obsessed writer: Gareth Roberts whose three episodes all feature in this article. By comparison Russell T Davies only has a water obsession rate of 19% and many writers are seemingly unconcerned with water at all.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Let me Take you by the Hand and Lead you Through the Streets of London

Thanks to the London Transport journey planner getting across the city has never been easier.

Click picture for full size.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday, April 6, 2009

Over-analysing the Planet of the Dead trailer: so you don't have to

A London bus in a desert. There are three key facts to note about this image.
1)There are no deserts in London which suggests that Planet of the Dead takes place in Outer Space.
2)The front of every bus shows its number and destination. Here this information is hidden by the angle of the bus, possibly to conceal a spoiler.
3)Although we know this episode is called Planet of the Dead, there are no dead people to be seen. As an experienced television writer Russell T. Davis would know to avoid such a careless error. The dead are probably hiding under the sand or behind the bus.

The Doctor examines some sand. Note that the Doctor's shadow extends beyond his head. The sun rises in the east, to cast a shadow like this the Doctor must be facing south which suggests the wind blowing the sand is coming from the west. Unless it is the afternoon in which case he is facing north and the wind is blowing from the east.

An insect holding a gun. Doctor Who often uses animal-headed aliens as a metaphor. New Earth for example featured cat-headed nuns running a hospital as a metaphor for the way nurses like to play with their patients before killing and eating them. Alternatively the insect could have a gun to stop the dead from bothering London Transport users while they wait for a connecting bus back to Earth.

There appears to be at least three female passengers on the bus. Could this be a clue to the return of the notorious female Timelord, The Rani?

The Doctor and Michelle Ryan's character see something off camera. Possibly a dead person, or an insect-headed alien holding a gun, or maybe the Doctor has just said," look at the Rani over there!".

An experienced actor like David Tennant knows body language gives important information about the way a character feels. In this frame the David Tennant faces away from Michelle Ryan suggesting that the Doctor feels awkward and uncomfortable. He is probably missing Donna.

Don't know what this is.

Russell T. Davis knows that it is important for a trailer to tell the audience when a programme is being shown. Here we see that Planet of the Dead is being shown on Saturday 11th April on BBC1. Unfortunately someone has forgotten to include the time, an elementary mistake which should have been avoided.

In other news:

Wednesday April 1st, 2009. G20 leaders assemble in London for the first showing of the Planet of the Dead trailer.