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Daleks>
By Roboman2051
The original and best...
Absolutely brilliant! You can see why they are still the leaders of the planet invading game. Mass exterminations followed by total suppression of the population. We knew this was going to be good when the invasion started with an orbital bombardment by germ infected meteorites. We were helpless! Highly recommended. 100%, would definitely be invaded by them again.

Cybermen>
By Lumicfan
You never know what you're going to get
We've been invaded by the Cybermen numerous times and they always manage to surprise us. Which will it be? Hypnotic signals followed by a cyber-army bursting out of the sewer? Crashing an anti-matter filled spaceship into the planet? Bursting in through a breach in the universe? If you are planning on having your planet invaded more than once then try these guys. It will never get boring. Plus the survivors get a free upgrade!

Dominators>
By DominatorRagu(it brings out the Italian in you!)
Planetary invasion for the budget conscious.
Cheap but very effective. The Dominators do a great deal of stamping around and shouting at people along with a few nice explosions. They come with these little robots called Quarks which blow up nicely when the resistance attacks them. At the end their exploding doomsday device made a little volcano which was super.

Haemovores>
By DraculaAD1972
Too much jaw-jaw, not enough war-war
They came out of the sea in a black fog. Very atmospheric. But then the leader went into this “my world is dying speech” and kept going on about pollution. Like being invaded by Bono and Sting.

Ood>
By JohnZoidberg
Nice but not really what we were expecting.
The Ood first contacted us psychically which is different but then instead of brutally oppressing people they offered to sing us to sleep. I'm not sure they are really cut out for the invading game but they make a great cup of tea.

Moroks>
by AngryCustomer
Terrible!!
Oh dear. They didn't come until two solar cycles after the scheduled invasion date. When they landed the leader tried to pretend that they had come by on time but “everyone had been out” (we weren't, we are a non-space-faring race so we were all at home, in fact we'd cancelled plans to make sure we didn't miss them). Apparently they had “left a card which must have blown away” give it up guys we didn't evolve yesterday. As if that wasn't enough their spaceships sat around doing nothing until our President went and knocked on the door only to be told that they had forgotten their lazer guns! We had to lend them some of ours before the invasion could even begin! Dreadful service. Just avoid.

Summer Filler Week

It's The Debate That Is Dividing The Nation: Team Edward or Team Jacob? We Ask The Doctor Who Stars!
This week: Christopher Eccleston



Next Week: Paul McGann chooses Edward.




It is 41 years and 9 days since Star Trek was first broadcast on BBC1. In honour of this anniversary here are five* bad uses for Star Trek technology.

1. Use the transporter to beam someone into space for three seconds, as a joke.
2. Use a phaser to kill flies.
3. Try ordering "Captain Picard" from a replicator.
4. When a crew member is on a diet secretly transport doughnuts into their stomach.
5. See when happens when you order a replicator from a replicator.

*no one could think of ten.

It's Fanzine Focus Friday!

Just delivered to Shouting Into A Well's stinking editorial garret is the first issue of Panic Moon a new Doctor Who fanzine. Here's more from the editor Oliver Wake.

"I’m delighted to announce that the debut issue of Doctor Who fanzine Panic Moon is available now in good old fashioned paper and ink format. It’s small (A6 format and 28 pages) but perfectly formed. Just right for reading on the bus. Inside you will find:

Reviews of each of the series five stories; explorations of the characters of the eleventh Doctor and Amy; a review of the K9 series; a look at the redesign of the Daleks; a roundup of other recent paper zines in 2010’s fanzine renaissance; a review of Big Finish’s recent output; thoughts on the work of Chris Chibnall, on the use of death in Steven Moffat’s episodes, and on madness, monsters and metaphor in Vincent and the Doctor. Plus some stunning illustrations.

Prices, including P&P:
UK: £1.10
Europe (airmail): £2.00
Elsewhere (airmail): £2.50

Please pay using paypal (www.paypal.co.uk) to panicmoonfanzine@googlemail.com. I’d be terribly grateful if, when making payment, you would use the ‘gift’ rather than ‘goods’ option, as this avoids a fee being taken and therefore helps minimise our losses - this is a non-profit making publication after all. Please add the address for the fanzine to be sent to in the comments section. If you’d prefer to pay by an alternative method, please contact us at the same email address and we’ll sort something out.

Next issue there’ll be a lot more old series stuff, but let’s wait for a few of you to get this issue before we worry about that. We'd also be delighted to receive any comments on the zine at the above email address."

A Shouting Into A Well minion writes: The editor has asked me to say what a great read Panic Moon is, he can't comment directly on the grounds of having two articles in there (obviously those are best). First reaction on seeing the A6 format was surprise at how tiny the pages seemed (A6 paper size is A5 folded in half -TECHNICAL ED) but inside is lots of text and some brilliant illustrations. This issue concentrates on reviewing series five of Doctor Who with relevant articles in between to widen out the scope of the fanzine. Well worth the cover price and very highly recommended.

Fanzine editors: Drop an email to the editorial address on the top-right and Shouting Into A Well will be more than happy to give you a mention.

Holiday Time

The Years Between

Dinosaurs at the North Pole, Polar Bears in Australia, Nile Penguins, Pharaohs in the Himalayas. What else was going on while the Doctor was locked in the Pandorica?

FADE IN MUSIC At the Castle Gate.
CAPTION SLIDE: A blank black picture, FADE TO another blank black picture, FADE TO another blank black picture.
OVERLAY CAPTION: The Sky At Night

CUT TO STUDIO
SIR PATRICK MOORE: Good evening. Welcome to this edition of The Sky At Night. I am joined by the astronomer Heather Couper. Heather, welcome.
HEATHER COUPER: Nice to be here Sir Patrick.
SIR PATRICK MOORE: Heather, what can you tell us about the sky at night?
HEATHER COUPER: Well Patrick, it's black, very, very black. With nothing at all to look at except when the Moon is out.
SIR PATRICK MOORE: Well, that's all there is to say about the Sky At Night this month. Join us for the next edition when we will be probably be talking about the Moon; again.
STUDIO LIGHTS DIM
FADE IN MUSIC At the Castle Gate.
ROLL CLOSING TITLES

CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: Tomorrow evening at six there is another chance to see an edition of the classic science fiction series Trek. This week Captain Kirk decides to fly the USS Enterprise round the Earth in an anti-clockwise direction while the crew cross their fingers and hope something happens for a change.

A Very Long Story

The Pandorica Seen Through Time

118AD Taken back to Rome under armed guard
420AD Raided by the Franks
1120 Prized possession of the Knights Templar
1231 Donated to the Vatican
1280 Sold by Marco Polo
1281 Taken back by the Vatican after Marco Polo sold it without their permission.
1492 Given to Columbus as a good luck present. Left on the dock at Palos de la Frontera after proving to be too big to fit in the hold of the Santa Maria.
1493 Removed from the dock at Palos de la Frontera for being illegally parked.
1494 Sold at Palos de la Frontera City Auction, bought by Duke of Milan.
1496 Duke of Milan bribes a peasant to to take the Pandorica away and bury it after his wife refuses to have “that horrid thing” in the house.
1812 Dug up by archaeologists. Proclaimed to be part of the Great Pyramid of Milan.
1815 Disappointed and humiliated archaeologists donate the Pandorica to Bavarian Royal Family.
1865 Sentenced to be 'stoned to death' by King Ludwig II of Bavaria (pictured right) for refusing a royal command to open.
1887 Given to Queen Victoria as last minute Golden Jubilee present after all the shops had closed.
1902 Discovered being used as doorstop at Glamis Castle.
1907 Discovered again at Glamis Castle, now being used as occasional table.
1909 Taken for cleaning after Prince of Wales chalks,"George woz ere" on the side.
1912 Examined by Charles Fort who is investigating reports of someone hiding round the back. He walks around the Pandorica but finds nothing except a discarded pilum and caligae prints in the dust.
1913 Charles Fort creeps round the Pandorica the other way. The Roman Centurion standing round the back says he hasn't seen anything odd.
1914 Charles Fort declares the mystery of the Pandorica “unsolvable”.
1952 Left on Royal Train by absent minded maid. Subsequently sold at auction by British Rail Lost Property Department.
1961 Used as concert podium by Gladys Knight and the Pips (pictured right) during UK tour.
1970 Bought by the BBC Props Department. Seen on screen in The Onedin Line, The Tripods, Blankety Blank and Monty Python's How Not To Be Seen sketch.
1990 Donated to the National Museum.

General Sontar: He Speaks Sontar Listens

Are YOU Thinking What He's Thinking?*
*If you are not thinking what General Sontar is thinking then please report to Vat 69 for Genetic Reprocessing. Independent thought threatens the Sontaran race.
Typical! The Pandorica is barely closed and here comes the namby-pamby liberal non-Sontaran elite crawling out of the woodwork; again! “It’s cruel to imprison The Doctor in a box forever,” they moan. “There should have been another way,” they simper. Remind me, what was at stake here again? Oh yes, that’s right. Everything! Well, I don’t know about you but I happen to like living in the universe!

Why should we feel sorry for the Doctor? What sort of holiday camp prison are do-gooders expecting for someone who was going to blow up all of space? Do you care if there is no television, toilet or hypernet access? I don't. The Pandorica has air. It has something to sit on. Frankly I think we’ve been more than generous.

Four times! That's how often the Doctor has interfered in legitimate Sontaran actions across the galaxy. Four! And yet we're the ones being unreasonable. You couldn't make it up. "Don't forget the Doctor has also killed Rutans," the Politically Correct Czars demand I add in the name of balance. Killed Rutans? He blew up one spaceship! One, compared to the four times he has taken action against our bold boys defending legitimate Sontaran interests across the Galaxy. From where I'm standing that makes him a Rutan Lover! And that means I don’t love him at all!

So I say three cheers to the coalition that put this intergalactic menace where he deserves to be; in a box, forever. Three cheers for our brave Sontaran troops who will soon be attacking our so-called coalition allies while their guard is down. Three cheers for those keen sighted enough to see that nothing is more important than the future existence of everything we know, love, and deserve to conquer for the greater glory of the Sontaran race.

Funny, I thought I heard a noise outsi

Read General Sontar every week in The Sontaran Standard; although possibly not next week.