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Eccleston's Bizarre Plot: More Details Revealed!

Today Shouting Into A Well reporters can expose more details of Christopher Eccleston's plot to regain the role of Doctor Who.

Yesterday we told you how Eccleston, in an attempt to return to the role he left in 2005, tried to convince the BBC that the year was 2006 and that he remained the actor playing the Doctor. The details of this plan involved:

- making new Doctor Who producer Steven Moffat believe he was Russell T. Davis by giving him a map of Britain on which Wales and Scotland had been swapped round.
- breaking into Upper Boat studios and replacing all the year planners, diaries and calendars with 2006 editions.
- secretly dying Karen Gillan's hair blonde to make her look like Billie Piper.
-crossing Matt Smith's telephone number out of the internal directory and writing his in its place.

It appears that this plan was at least partially successful, presumably contributing to new Doctor Who producer Steven Moffat's confusion over whether the 2010 series of Doctor Who was series one, five or thirty one.

At the time of publishing it remained unclear where new Doctor Who actor Matt Smith fitted into Eccleston's plans; that question has now been answered in a most grisly fashion. Our source, who wishes to remain anonymous, has provided us with a picture almost certainly drawn by Eccleston himself clearly showing the Boon and Casualty actor gloating above a pit containing a figure recognisable as Smith. We must warn our readers that this picture may not be suitable for those of a nervous disposition.

SHOCKING: Could Eccleston have been planning to eat Matt Smith?

TOMORROW: our source has promised us more remarkable revelations about Eccleston's plan, including revealing how the actor used techniques he learned while playing the role of invisible agent Claude in Heroes to move undetected around the Doctor Who set.

Freema Agyeman.
Owing to an unfortunate printing error last week's story "Freema's Shocking Spider Secret!" accidentally gave the impression that Freema Agyman was a giant woman-spider hybrid who lured young men back to her web and wrapped them in silk before gruesomely feasting on their innards. In addition a breakdown of communications between the Art and Editorial departments then led to the article being illustrated with a photo showing Freema's head pasted onto the body of the Empress Of Racnoss with the caption,"HORRIFIC: According to our source this image of Spider Freema may be the last thing that countless young men have seen."

Having received representation from Freema's Management and Legal teams Shouting Into A Well is happy to assure our readers that this is not the case and we are pleased to apologise for any confusion this unfortunate and unavoidable error may have caused.

In Other News

New Captain Kirk Sexual Harassment Case Rocks Starfleet.
Starfleet today was attempted to deal with the fallout from yet another sexual harassment case involving Captain James Kirk of the USS Enterprise.

Read more

Liz 10 to Charles "I don't care if you've been waiting 300 years. I'm the bloody Queen and you'll get the job when it's your turn." Read more




Exclusive! Karen Gillan Walks Down The Street On Her Legs And Wears Clothes! Read more

Summer Filler Week

It's The Debate That Is Dividing The Nation: Team Edward or Team Jacob? We Ask The Doctor Who Stars!
This week: Christopher Eccleston



Next Week: Paul McGann chooses Edward.




It is 41 years and 9 days since Star Trek was first broadcast on BBC1. In honour of this anniversary here are five* bad uses for Star Trek technology.

1. Use the transporter to beam someone into space for three seconds, as a joke.
2. Use a phaser to kill flies.
3. Try ordering "Captain Picard" from a replicator.
4. When a crew member is on a diet secretly transport doughnuts into their stomach.
5. See when happens when you order a replicator from a replicator.

*no one could think of ten.

Who's Wearing What?

Exclusive to all newspapers

With the unveiling of Matt Smith's new costume an overworked junior reporter takes a look back at what other Doctors were wearing during the decades that fashion forgot!


David Tennant, he made wearing a crumpled brown suit look good.





Here he is again. In a dinner jacket!






And another picture of David Tennant looking full on gorgeous in blue!





Christopher Eccleston looked a bit hard and not as nice as David Tennant.





Paul McGann. Fans call him the forgotten Doctor. I'll never forget David Tennant.





Sylvester McCoy wore a lot of question marks and was Scotch. Like the lovely David Tennant.





Colin Baker wore bright colours! Eventually he was put on trial by his own people; for crimes against fashion!




Peter Davison. I remember him, he played a vet [sub please insert joke about the Doctor's worst enemy being Thatcher].




Tom Baker had a long scarf. It was the seventies when people like Twiggy and Slade wore mad clothes.




The other three. They wore clothes and some of them were black and white, imagine that!

Merry Easter

Thanks to www.richardwho.com/ for the Suchard Easter Egg picture

Out of the TARDIS

All the best Doctor Who celebrity gossip revealed especially for you.

Outgoing Tenth Doctor David Tennant has built an enormous orbiting space station from which he intends to mount an ambitious scheme to poison humanity before reshaping the planet in his own image. “First there was a dream. Now there is reality. Here, in the untainted cradle of the heavens, will be created a new super-race. A race of perfect physical specimens”, he announced in a message broadcast globally. David's plans are not expected to delay shooting on the remaining Doctor Who specials.

Meanwhile, incoming Eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith joined the Blue Peter team to launch this year's appeal which aims to destroy all Kangaroos in Australia. “ These monstrous chimeras of nature repel me”, he told waiting reporters,” they are not proper mammals and together we can wipe them from the face of the Earth”.

Christopher Eccleston was spotted attempting to climb over the fence at Upper Boat. Looking tanned and relaxed as Police cut him down from razor wire, the ex-Ninth Doctor shouted, “tell Russell I've changed my mind!” before being restrained and dragged into a van.

“I eat my peas with honey,” Billie Piper revealed yesterday,” I've done so all my life. It makes the peas taste funny. But it keeps them on my knife”. The admission, made before a jury of her peers, caused amazement before the court was adjourned for the day.

Elize du Toit teased fans recently when asked if her character, Sinister Woman, would be returning to Doctor Who. “I don't think so,” she quipped.

A celebrity feud could be brewing when Doctor Who returns in 2010. Potential companion Hannah Murray does not share Matt Smith's Kangaroo opinion. " Kangaroos are part of nature's cycle," she explained today," instead of killing them we need to work with them." "I think they should just be excommunicated and given a chance to mend their ways," she added.

Catherine Tate's transatlantic tunnel now extends three miles out to sea. Tate, who began digging the tunnel as a way to relax during filming breaks on series four of Doctor Who, has not yet decided if the tunnel will go to Washington or New York. “People keep telling me it's a long way to America but I just ask them 'Am I bovvered?' ” she joked at a recent occasion.

Which ex-Doctor Who companion has a younger brother, Domenic, and older sister, Leila? Freema Agyeman that's who! This information was revealed to us yesterday by Freema's IMDB page while googling for information to fill a paragraph.

Russell T. Davis has lashed Matt Smith's anti-Kangaroo views. "Kangaroos are not the problem, that would be Wombats. Wombats are nocturnal grazers and live in burrows. How can people respect that? I couldn't work with anyone who feels differently. Still it's Steven Moffat's problem now." ...Looks like this one could run and run.

With thanks to Ash Stewart for additional Wombat wrangling.