Those BBC Cuts In Full

Ten ways the proposed BBC budget cuts will affect Doctor Who.

1. The TARDIS will travel in Time or Space but not both simultaneously.
2. Horde of Travesties to be renamed Quite Large Group Of Travesties.
3. Directors will be instructed to use more close-up camera angles reducing the amount of widescreen needed; this will also reduce the amount of scenery required.
4. Infinite size of Doctor Who universe to be cut by 20%
5. TARDIS to no longer be powered by expensive Artron Energy. Cheaper renewable resources such as solar power or wind energy to be used instead.
6. In future episodes giant monsters, such as the Cyberking, mutated Professor Lazarus, etc, will only be seen in the distance making them appear smaller.
7. Episodes will be made scarier, this will encourage the audience to shut their eyes more often and reduce the amount of special effects needed.
8. There will be one clip show each series. For example the Doctor and Amy might get stuck in a lift and spend the time remembering events from previous episodes to pass the time. However, to save money on repeat fees the clips will not be shown. Instead the characters will just talk about what happened.
9. Lists of Ten... things on Doctor Who blogs to be cut by 10% with immediate effect.

This week in Who

Lessons Learned on the casting of Matt Smith as Doctor #11.

1. It's really confusing to cast a new Doctor the week after broadcasting a story called "The Next Doctor".

"Have you seen the new Doctor Who?"
"The Next Doctor?"
"Yes, the new Doctor Who."
"No, do you mean have I seen the Next Doctor or the new Doctor?"
"I mean the new Doctor Who, the next Doctor".
(collapse of stout party)

2. Number crunching.

Percentage of online fans who have just worked out they are older than the new Doctor: 82%
Percentage of online fans taking comfort from the fact that while they are older than the new Doctor he is not yet young enough to be their son: 63%
Percentage of forums where someone posting about being older than the Doctor gets the reply,"you don't look 900 years old": 100%

BBC1 Christmas Day Scheduling Mixup Revealed