Those BBC Cuts In Full

Ten ways the proposed BBC budget cuts will affect Doctor Who.

1. The TARDIS will travel in Time or Space but not both simultaneously.
2. Horde of Travesties to be renamed Quite Large Group Of Travesties.
3. Directors will be instructed to use more close-up camera angles reducing the amount of widescreen needed; this will also reduce the amount of scenery required.
4. Infinite size of Doctor Who universe to be cut by 20%
5. TARDIS to no longer be powered by expensive Artron Energy. Cheaper renewable resources such as solar power or wind energy to be used instead.
6. In future episodes giant monsters, such as the Cyberking, mutated Professor Lazarus, etc, will only be seen in the distance making them appear smaller.
7. Episodes will be made scarier, this will encourage the audience to shut their eyes more often and reduce the amount of special effects needed.
8. There will be one clip show each series. For example the Doctor and Amy might get stuck in a lift and spend the time remembering events from previous episodes to pass the time. However, to save money on repeat fees the clips will not be shown. Instead the characters will just talk about what happened.
9. Lists of Ten... things on Doctor Who blogs to be cut by 10% with immediate effect.

Time Lords Launch Clean Up Gallifrey Campaign

Angry Time Lord bosses today unveiled the first stage of a campaign to clean up Gallifrey in the wake of the Time War.

“Gallifrey's orange and pleasant land is being ruined by thoughtlessly disposed of Time War litter,” blasted a High Council member,” wrecked Dalek saucers; decommissioned Bowships, empty Black Hole converters and chunks of The Nightmare Child all over Mount Perdition.”

“We can't go on like this. What used to be the Shining World of the Seven Systems is now an eyesore. From now on it is the duty of every citizen of Gallifrey to keep their planet looking beautiful. Yes we may be Time Locked inside the worst war in the history of the Universe, yes we may be stuck here for all eternity with the Horde of Travesties, but that's no excuse to let our standards drop.”
The multi-media campaign includes posters (see above) and two thirty second adverts; the first featuring the Lord President himself using the Gauntlet of Rassilon to disintegrate piles of litter; while in the second, a bag of rubbish thrown from a Dalek saucer lands at the feet of a Time Lord who stares into the camera as a single tear runs down his face. The adverts are scheduled to start running on Public Register Video and Amplified Panatropic Net +1 from last week.

Also Inside Your Big Value Shouting Into A Well

“Ending. Burning. Falling. All of it falling. Black in pitch and screaming fire.”

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