Is that Pun Loaded?

While the documentaries on the Doctor Who DVDs are very good their titles can be a bit variable. Getting a Head on the Brain of Morbius is great and Hello Sailor!, on the Sea Devils cannot be topped but Dreams and Fantasy on the Invisible Enemy? The Making of Mindwarp? In fact all the documentary titles on The Trial of a Timelord set are a bit lackluster.

Here's some they should have used.

The Leisure Hive- Romana Holiday. It would probably have worked on City of Death as well but that had Paris in the Springtime which is okay, if not actually a pun.
The Seeds of Death- A T-Mat of Life and Death.
The Web Planet- Isop's Fables.
Timelash- The Good, the Borad, and the Ugly. The DVD went for The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, so near and yet so far. Never Mind the Morlox would have worked as well but see The Space Museum below.
The Invisible Enemy- SaturnDay Night Fever. Anything with Saturday in the title would have worked SaturnDay Night's Alright (For Fighting the Nucleus of the Swarm); see. SaturnDay Night and Sunday Morning; well maybe not that one.

And there's still time to use these (except maybe The Keys of Marinus, unless they go for a costly recall to edit in a new documentary title).

The Space Museum- Never Mind the Moroks. There's still time to use this one guys.
The Keys of Marinus- Voord Do You Think You Are. How much do DVD recalls cost anyway?
Dragonfire- Citizen Kane. Boring but obvious what with all the film references in the script.
Planet of Fire- Sarn Like it Hot. Or, Being in Lava Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry because of the volcano.
Time and the Rani: Tetrap a Thief . Tetrap sounds a bit like To Trap... yes it's weak but this is harder than you'd think. If only the story had two Ranis instead of two Mels. If there had been three Mels you could use Melnage a Trois which sounds a bit rude.
Terror of the Autons- Auton Erotic Asphyxiation which sounds extremely rude.

Finally, here are some that can never be used unless the episode is found.

Galaxy 4- Ammonia Rill in a Gilded Cage. Drahvin Miss Maaga. The Rills Are Alive. Or, Galaxy Phwoar! because the Drahvins are all women (perhaps not).

In just seven days, I can make you a man*

*From beyond the grave; presumably.

That Was The Year That Was

In all the excitement of last week's news (Character Options have had their license renewed!) there was no chance to look back at 2008. And what a year it was! Here's a reminder of some of the stories which made the headlines.

The Olympics 2012 committee hired David Tennant to light the Olympic flame at the start of the London games," in order to ensure that the London Olympics are cannon."

In the book T Is For Television, Russell T. Davies admits he doesn't remember the Apollo 11 Moon landing of July 20th 1969 on the grounds that," it probably wasn't as good as that week's Doctor Who!" His shameful ignorance of basic Who lore, namely that series 6 had finished broadcasting on 21st June 1969, immediately outs Davis as a fake Doctor Who fan and a red-faced Russell announces his resignation.

The Doctor Who Restoration Team revealed the success of the Colour Recovery Working Group who have pulled colour information from black and white film prints. Their next project? Turning lead into gold.

As the latest series of Doctor Who comes to an end Doctor Who magazine's latest issue has alternate covers. So does the Radio Times. Later in the year SFX also has multiple Doctor covers as does the British Medical Journal which is accused of "cashing in".

The Royal Shakespeare Company sets limits on what fans can bring to the stage door for David Tennant and Patrick Stewart to sign while they appear in Hamlet. Luckily no such restriction applies to other cast members and John Woodvine (The Marshall, The Armageddon factor), Zoe Thorne (Toclafane voice, The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords. Gelth voice, The Unquiet Dead), Roderick Smith (Cruikshank, The Invisible Enemy) and Andrea Harris (Suzanne, The Stolen Earth) are nearly buried under piles of tat.

This week in Who

Lessons Learned on the casting of Matt Smith as Doctor #11.

1. It's really confusing to cast a new Doctor the week after broadcasting a story called "The Next Doctor".

"Have you seen the new Doctor Who?"
"The Next Doctor?"
"Yes, the new Doctor Who."
"No, do you mean have I seen the Next Doctor or the new Doctor?"
"I mean the new Doctor Who, the next Doctor".
(collapse of stout party)

2. Number crunching.

Percentage of online fans who have just worked out they are older than the new Doctor: 82%
Percentage of online fans taking comfort from the fact that while they are older than the new Doctor he is not yet young enough to be their son: 63%
Percentage of forums where someone posting about being older than the Doctor gets the reply,"you don't look 900 years old": 100%

BBC1 Christmas Day Scheduling Mixup Revealed

Happy Christmas

South Park Already Did It

Black Orchid: the story so far.

At Cranleigh Hall Nyssa has met Ann with whom she shares a remarkable resemblance. While Tegan and Nyssa prepare for the annual ball, Ann comes to their room with two identical dresses and a topping plan to fool the other guests.
(click picture to see full size)

The Famly of Blud

by n molesworth

THE STORY SO FAR St custards skool is under seege from strange alien figures at the gate. Whom (gramer) can it be? Sigismund the mad maths master and his rhomboids? The PUKON and his army of TREENS? No it appear to be gillibrand and one of the ladies who does for the headmaster (hem-hem) plus an army of scarecrows they hav made. This is wet. Space aliens should wizz around on tripods xploding the moon not doing gurly arts and crafts.

Headmaster Grimes and the skool secretary go out to speak. There is a flash of lite and the hon. sec. vanish in a cloud of dust. Was that an atomik blaster? A fusion percolator? A cosmic disintergrator? Wotever it hav done the job a treat. If I could get one no master would dare give me 0 for my prep agane.

NOW REED ON

“The skool is under atack” sa Grimes. “We must defend ourselves with guns.” A riple of xcitment passes the boys this is going to be better than weedy shooting lessons where we hav to fire at target instead of anything you would aktualy want to shoot i.e the masters, lambs, wandsworth the skool dog etc chiz*.

The crowd of boys palpate with heady joy who will get to work the gattling gun the prize of the army cadets.? Boo hiss it is grabber head of skool and winner of the mrs joyful prize for raffia work. He get everything becos his pater slip Grimes an extra tenner at the start of each term.

Still it is not all bad. boys get a rifle xsept for my bro molesworth 2 this is wise he should not be trusted with anything more dangerous than a conker. See how he runs around with his arms out pretending to be a sopwith camel “uh uh uh uh uh” he sa firing his machine guns before doing a pancake landing in the veg patch.

The scarecrows advance and bang on skool gate. High spirited boys nailed it up years ago as a joke forcing visitors to use the side entrance which is most unsavory hem-hem but it will not hold up for long. Grimes sigh,”if only I had spent parents fees on maintanance instead of the gee-gees.” How true how true espeshally Shannon Lass in the grand national who was 100-1 and should hav gon to the knackers years ago. CRASH BANG ZOOSH. The gate fall open and scarecrows walk in.

Grabber fires the gat but it hav no reel efeckt. Frankly I think we would do better to steal some of the bottles of GIN that matron hav hidden beneth her bed we could make molotov cocktails which would be super. Straw filled scarecrows would go up like paters potting shed last bonfire nite when catherine weel spun out of control. Fotherington-tomas start to blub like a baby because the noise of the gat is hurting his ickle-pritty ears. There is nothing new about this he blub at everything the beauty of nature when Wee Tim in a Christmas Carol sa God bless us every one when you point out he hav a face like a tomato etc. He is a wet and a weed.

Still scarecrows do fall over. “Cease fire” sa Grimes and then an unxpeckted development. A GURL walk in but rather than singing some weedy skipping rhyme like “ooggly poogly plum dee doo I like akorns and so do you” she gun Grimes down. Cheers cheers this can only mean a half holiday tommorow.

Mr Smith who teeches hist look all shocked and sa “wot hav I done? I canot make them do this these poor inocent boys!” Inocent? Not if you hav seen the pile of fag ends round the back of the playing fields nuff said. He tell boys to run and sensibly they scatter to the four corners leaving masters to thier fate.

Griping stuff eh? Wot will happen next? As they sa in the penny dredfuls TO BE CONTINUED...

*a chiz is a swiz or swindle as any fule kno