In Other News
New Hoodie Gang Terrorises London
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The End Of Time Update
Many Shouting Into A Well readers commented on the interference which affected the credits at the close of The End Of Time part one. As a public service we are pleased to print a screen grab of the continuity caption which so many people were unable to see.
In Other News
New Hoodie Gang Terrorises London
In Other News
New Hoodie Gang Terrorises London
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Going... going... gone
In sixteen days time David Tennant will regenerate into Matt Smith [SPOILER] but what will his last words be? For those of you thinking of placing a bet here are the latest odds.
1) "Rose!" 1-5
2) "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" 1-2
3) "Keep back" 3-5
4) "What? What? WHAT?" 4-5
5) "Goodbye" 1-1
6) "Uh-oh, it looks like I'm regenerating" 3-1
7) "This is really painful" 4-1
8) "I've just remembered I left the kettle on" 10-1
9) "Rubbish, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." 50-1
10) "Ouch! My bottom" 100-1
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Mary Whitehouse Experience*
Hello. I am the ghost of Mary Whitehouse. Wooooooooooo! When I'm not solving crimes with my detective partner I still monitor programmes which I found unsuitable during my time on Earth. I've made a list of the most inappropriate new Doctor Who stories and passed them on to Shouting Into A Well with the help of my friend Mrs Stokes.
Bad Wolf: This story glamorises Big Brother, a most unsuitable programme for children. This story also features gratuitous nudity when Captain Jack takes off all his clothes. You can see everything; bits, fairly naughty bits, and naughty bits. The only things you can't see are the extremely naughty bits. I must admit that, this shocking lapse of decency aside, I do like the Captain Jack character. Such a cheeky smile. One of these days that John Barrowman is going to make a lovely husband for some lucky lady.
Tooth And Claw: This story pokes fun at the royal family in a most disrespectful way. It's not fair. They can't answer back you know.
Doomsday: Rose's mother is with child, by her father. I expect you're thinking," what's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong, they're not married! They are from different universes. Rose's Dad was married to Rose's Mum in one universe and Rose's Mum was married to Rose's Dad in another. It's nothing but the adulation of adultery and with the alternate version of the partner they were already married to but now aren't because they were married to the other one from their other universe.
No, I'm getting mixed up. it can't be adultery because each of their partners was dead before they met the other one of the person they had already married in the other universe. I'm pretty sure there's something immoral going on though.
The Cybermen are all nude as well!
OoooeeeeeOOOeeeeOOOOOOeeeeeeeoooo a death shall come upon this house! Oh dearie me. Sorry about that I think Mrs Stokes is picking another message. She says it's not her fault, apparently she is getting interference from another spirit level but I think a bad workman always blames his tools.
Gridlock: There's a lovely hymn in this story but the whole thing is quite unsuitable. A lady has maritial relations with a cat and then gives birth to kittens. Oh dear. I think I need a sit down and a cup of ghost tea. Disgraceful.
Voyage Of The D*mned: Apart from the fact that that the title has a swear word in it, and on Chistmas Day too, the shame, this story could make children afraid of going on boats.
Partners In Crime: The Adipose look very sweet but they are born out of both ladies and men. If children start thinking men can have babies who knows what could happen Not only that but even when the babies come from ladies they don't just come out of their tummies but anywhere on the ladies body. What are children meant to make of that?
The Unicorn And The Wasp: It's Gridlock all over again but this time with a bee!
The Doctor's Daughter: The Hath have lascivious eyes.
*This headline is reused from Doctor Who Magazine issue 327 (05/03/2003) in accordance with EU sustainability legislation (Directive 2002/96/EC) requiring a target of at least 30% joke recycling by 2010.
Shouting into a Well is committed to protecting your future by recycling other people's puns and is proud to guarantee that no less than five percent of all letters used in this blog come from sustainable sources.
Bad Wolf: This story glamorises Big Brother, a most unsuitable programme for children. This story also features gratuitous nudity when Captain Jack takes off all his clothes. You can see everything; bits, fairly naughty bits, and naughty bits. The only things you can't see are the extremely naughty bits. I must admit that, this shocking lapse of decency aside, I do like the Captain Jack character. Such a cheeky smile. One of these days that John Barrowman is going to make a lovely husband for some lucky lady.
Tooth And Claw: This story pokes fun at the royal family in a most disrespectful way. It's not fair. They can't answer back you know.Doomsday: Rose's mother is with child, by her father. I expect you're thinking," what's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong, they're not married! They are from different universes. Rose's Dad was married to Rose's Mum in one universe and Rose's Mum was married to Rose's Dad in another. It's nothing but the adulation of adultery and with the alternate version of the partner they were already married to but now aren't because they were married to the other one from their other universe.
No, I'm getting mixed up. it can't be adultery because each of their partners was dead before they met the other one of the person they had already married in the other universe. I'm pretty sure there's something immoral going on though.
The Cybermen are all nude as well!
OoooeeeeeOOOeeeeOOOOOOeeeeeeeoooo a death shall come upon this house! Oh dearie me. Sorry about that I think Mrs Stokes is picking another message. She says it's not her fault, apparently she is getting interference from another spirit level but I think a bad workman always blames his tools.
Gridlock: There's a lovely hymn in this story but the whole thing is quite unsuitable. A lady has maritial relations with a cat and then gives birth to kittens. Oh dear. I think I need a sit down and a cup of ghost tea. Disgraceful.
Voyage Of The D*mned: Apart from the fact that that the title has a swear word in it, and on Chistmas Day too, the shame, this story could make children afraid of going on boats.
Partners In Crime: The Adipose look very sweet but they are born out of both ladies and men. If children start thinking men can have babies who knows what could happen Not only that but even when the babies come from ladies they don't just come out of their tummies but anywhere on the ladies body. What are children meant to make of that?
The Unicorn And The Wasp: It's Gridlock all over again but this time with a bee!
The Doctor's Daughter: The Hath have lascivious eyes.
*This headline is reused from Doctor Who Magazine issue 327 (05/03/2003) in accordance with EU sustainability legislation (Directive 2002/96/EC) requiring a target of at least 30% joke recycling by 2010.
Shouting into a Well is committed to protecting your future by recycling other people's puns and is proud to guarantee that no less than five percent of all letters used in this blog come from sustainable sources.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Merchandising News
Animal Magnetism has announced it is discontinuing its range of Doctor Who costumes.Two costumes were issued for the first wave of releases Sisters of Plenitude: My Kitten Dress-Up Kit (from the episodes New Earth and Gridlock) which came with a whimple, thermometer and guide to training your kitten to take your temperature, pictured left, and Tritovore: My Fly Dress-Up Kit (Planet Of The Dead), pictured below actual size.
Sales of both costumes were lower than hoped but the final decision to cancel the range came after the company's headquarters was badly damaged while testing the next release Judoon: My Rhinoceros Dress-Up Kit (Smith and Jones, The Stolen Earth, and Sarah Jane Adventures: Prisoner Of The Judoon); several employees were also gored.
News Update
Back in April this year Shouting Into A Well asked if the Doctor was correct when he claimed that,” water always wins.” Results at the time gave water an actual victory rate of 81.81818% . With the broadcast of The Waters of Mars those results can now be reassessed.
Water does not score a clear victory in The Waters of Mars. It is undoubtedly on the way to winning when play is interrupted by Captain Adelaide Brooke's detonation of Bowie Base One. In the event the judging panel decided that this result was a draw bringing water's final victory rate down to 75%. With nine wins, two defeats and a draw water now goes on to meet Blackburn in the semi-final.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Rough Guide to Mars
Introduction to Mars
Mars' reputation as the most monster filled planet in the solar system is well deserved. Remember the Mars Tourist Board's most successful slogan of recent years was “Mars. You won't always die horribly.”[1] Even this resulted in several lawsuits from grieving families which were only lost on the technicality that their loved ones were still living; albeit as drooling water-spewing monstrosities, irradiated spacemen, or prisoners of robot Egyptian Mummies.
That said, Mars has some of the most breathtaking scenery in the solar system and the video wills of several tourists have spoken of their amazement at the view while being thrown off the summit of Olympus Mons, or the magic of being chased, sobbing with fear, along the side of the Valles Marineris while Mars' twin moons Phobos and Deimos rise over the horizon.
This guide will give you a good idea of what to do, where to go, and tips on planning a low cost funeral.
Exploring Mars
South Mars: Home to the Ice Warriors, probably the most friendly of Mars' population of terrifying aliens. Their attitude to tourists has mellowed in recent years and you are now much less likely to be immediately shot on sight. Several tourists have led reasonably long lives as experimental specimens testing the Ice Warriors assorted plans to invade Earth. Another reason to avoid this section of Mars is the protracted legal dispute between the Ice Warriors and NASA; ever since NASA discovered the real reason its Mars Probes kept failing the writs have been flying, you really don't want to get subpoenaed as a witness.
East Mars: Forget it. The Fendahl passed through here nine million years ago and the place is deader than the corpses of the tourists that litter the rest of the Martian landscape.
North Mars: At some time in the 1970s or 1980s, records from that period are unclear, alien ambassadors from space stopped off on Mars on their way to Earth. Unfortunately a few of them remained and they are fiercely radioactive. Do not shake hands no matter how rude this makes you appear.
South-West Mars: Egyptian God Horus, for reasons best known to himself, built an enormous pyramid here as part of a plan to imprison his brother Sutekh on Earth. The pyramid remains but the reaction of most tourists is to its' collection of hoary old logic puzzles and spot the difference tests will be boredom. Boredom followed by terror, the Pyramid is also full of killer robot Egyptian Mummies which no one can deactivate.
Equatorial Mars: The previous location of Bowie Base One, radiation from the bases' explosion still lingers and can be relied on to provide a surprising reminder of your visit; possibly a third arm (or a fourth if you've already shaken hands with the alien ambassadors). It's best to stick to bottled water.
TOP TOURIST TRAVEL TIP: Don't drink any bottled water which you didn't bring in yourself, the surprisingly persistent drink vendors who work in the area often have an ulterior motive.
Continue to:
Where to stay
Things to see
Eating out
Surviving longer than twelve minutes
[1] Other slogans were “Mars: If you go at night the monsters probably can't see you”, “Mars: A good place to get away from life” and “Mars is SO bracing” the poster for which had to be withdrawn after a copyright dispute with the Skegness Tourist Board.
Mars' reputation as the most monster filled planet in the solar system is well deserved. Remember the Mars Tourist Board's most successful slogan of recent years was “Mars. You won't always die horribly.”[1] Even this resulted in several lawsuits from grieving families which were only lost on the technicality that their loved ones were still living; albeit as drooling water-spewing monstrosities, irradiated spacemen, or prisoners of robot Egyptian Mummies.
That said, Mars has some of the most breathtaking scenery in the solar system and the video wills of several tourists have spoken of their amazement at the view while being thrown off the summit of Olympus Mons, or the magic of being chased, sobbing with fear, along the side of the Valles Marineris while Mars' twin moons Phobos and Deimos rise over the horizon.
This guide will give you a good idea of what to do, where to go, and tips on planning a low cost funeral.
Exploring Mars
South Mars: Home to the Ice Warriors, probably the most friendly of Mars' population of terrifying aliens. Their attitude to tourists has mellowed in recent years and you are now much less likely to be immediately shot on sight. Several tourists have led reasonably long lives as experimental specimens testing the Ice Warriors assorted plans to invade Earth. Another reason to avoid this section of Mars is the protracted legal dispute between the Ice Warriors and NASA; ever since NASA discovered the real reason its Mars Probes kept failing the writs have been flying, you really don't want to get subpoenaed as a witness.
East Mars: Forget it. The Fendahl passed through here nine million years ago and the place is deader than the corpses of the tourists that litter the rest of the Martian landscape.
North Mars: At some time in the 1970s or 1980s, records from that period are unclear, alien ambassadors from space stopped off on Mars on their way to Earth. Unfortunately a few of them remained and they are fiercely radioactive. Do not shake hands no matter how rude this makes you appear.
South-West Mars: Egyptian God Horus, for reasons best known to himself, built an enormous pyramid here as part of a plan to imprison his brother Sutekh on Earth. The pyramid remains but the reaction of most tourists is to its' collection of hoary old logic puzzles and spot the difference tests will be boredom. Boredom followed by terror, the Pyramid is also full of killer robot Egyptian Mummies which no one can deactivate.
Equatorial Mars: The previous location of Bowie Base One, radiation from the bases' explosion still lingers and can be relied on to provide a surprising reminder of your visit; possibly a third arm (or a fourth if you've already shaken hands with the alien ambassadors). It's best to stick to bottled water.
TOP TOURIST TRAVEL TIP: Don't drink any bottled water which you didn't bring in yourself, the surprisingly persistent drink vendors who work in the area often have an ulterior motive.
Continue to:
Where to stay
Things to see
Eating out
Surviving longer than twelve minutes
[1] Other slogans were “Mars: If you go at night the monsters probably can't see you”, “Mars: A good place to get away from life” and “Mars is SO bracing” the poster for which had to be withdrawn after a copyright dispute with the Skegness Tourist Board.
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